Emmy

A few months ago, when Emmy was asked to say something positive about herself, she couldn’t think of what to say.

Today, she can think of fifty good things to say about herself.

Emmy’s complete lack of self-esteem wasn’t surprising, given that she’d experienced years of abusive relationships, including death threats against her and emotional abuse against her children.

As a young adult, Emmy was full of hope and anticipation. With a degree in horticulture and a love of the outdoors, she immigrated to Canada from Holland at the age of 24 on an exchange program for young farmers. Shortly afterwards, her physically abusive husband, an alcoholic, threatened to kill her. Fearing for her life and for her young daughter, she fled the two-year-old marriage.

She remarried and had a son. However, her second husband was emotionally abusive. After five years of marriage, he told her: “I would like to see you dead.” Emmy gathered up her children and went camping for the weekend. Afraid to return, she stayed at the campsite when the weekend was over. Her husband called the police and had her arrested for kidnapping. Believing she was protecting her children, she moved back home. For years, he used the threat of another arrest to keep her in line. “He told me if I took the kids without his permission, I would be in contempt of court.” Years later, she learned there had indeed been a court order, but it had only been valid for thirty days.

Her husband’s treatment of the children worsened. He put their son outside in the snow with no shoes for “laughing too much.” He told the children he was going to kill their cat. The Children’s Aid Society became involved. By this time, Emmy was suffering from severe depression and under the care of a psychiatrist, who recommended she leave her husband. She desperately wanted to, but was financially trapped. “I didn’t have the income,” she says.

Then her doctor told her she was eligible for subsidized housing. Finally, change seemed possible.

Emmy took her children to a shelter and applied for housing.

The shelter staff told her about a program called Making Changes, run by the Women’s Centre in Aurora and funded by the Canadian Women’s Foundation.

There, she learned to empower herself.

“Making Changes was the best thing that ever happened to me. It helped me believe in myself.”

At the very first Making Changes session, the women in the group were asked to say something positive about themselves. Accustomed to putting herself down, Emmy says it was hard to think of something to say.

Today, that’s all changed. “Last November, they asked for fifty positive things and I had no problem at all!”

After Emmy moved into her subsidized housing, she legally separated from her husband. However, he still had visiting rights. One day, as he left with the children for a vacation, he said to Emmy: “Just see if you get them back.”

Sick with worry, she met with her psychiatrist. Knowing Emmy had over twenty years volunteer experience with Girl Guides and had once participated in an Outward Bound program, he suggested that she sign up for a canoe trip while the children were away.

“Sitting home and worrying wasn’t going to help,” she says.  Besides, the Making Changes program had taught her to “turn bad things into a positive.”

Emmy was the only woman on the nine-day camping trip, but she soon realized she had much more experience than any of the men. “I had organized the food the way it should be and they were so impressed, I ended up steering the canoe,” she laughs.

For Emmy, the experience planted an idea: that she could one day teach other women to canoe and camp, and help them to gain confidence.

She soon found the perfect venue for developing her business idea—the Enterprising Women program, for women who were interested in becoming self-employed. She soon had a website and financing.

“My first trip was in February last year—I took people out on a winter camp,” Emmy says.

“I had taken lots of trips with Girl Guides. But for this one, I got paid!”